So last night we had our “office party” at the office. The White Elephant is an important tradition at this party, so I did my part and contributed a somewhat lame gift that isn’t worth discussing. What I received in turn was a dusty, beaten up, and perhaps broken VCR with a copy of Citizen Kane stuck in it. Which is great because I don’t even have a TV, let alone any VHS tapes.
Fast forward to today. There is a certain older woman in my office who often posts on the office-wide electronic message board about stuff that probably no one cares about. Anyway, today she posted a couple of ads for items that her friends were either selling or giving away. “Exercise set, unopened in box, from Walmart”, that sort of thing. Reminded me of that short Hemingway piece “For sale: Baby shoes, never worn.”
So in response, I posted on that same message board a For Sale ad for the VCR, the full text of which is below:
Hey everybody,
I’ve got a really excellent VCR for sale. There is a significant “academic” discount available if one of you would like to purchase it from me. To help demonstrate that it plays VHS tapes, it has a copy of Citizen Kane lodged inside of it.
At this point you might be wondering, “That sounds like a fantastic deal, but will it still function properly for all my VHS needs?” The answer may surprise you.
If anyone is interested, it’s currently sitting on the shelf beneath the big flat screen TV in the lounge. My asking price is only $100, but I’m willing to accept bids if people think the asking price is too high.
For those of you who are worried about breaking the bank in these times of economic crisis, I have partnered with Bank of America and NASA to offer a generous financing plan, with interest rates ranging from 5% to 95% annual amortized, depending on whether or not the current year is divisible by 10.
So if you like what you are hearing, and you want to jump on the next wave of new technologies, please send an email to my sales team at cheney@whitehouse.gov. Thanks!
